Dream of Siam

Here is an interview with Stickman. Stickman is the founder of one of the most popular sites for farangs thinking of heading out to Thailand. Enjoy!

Part 1 - Life
 
What was your early life like, and did you enjoy growing up in New Zealand?

I cannot complain about my upbringing.  I lived in a middle-class suburb on Auckland’s north shore and went to decent schools, had nice friends and wonderful parents who never pushed me too hard, never told me what I couldn’t do and really were the parents everyone else wanted.  I played soccer, rugby and cricket, the latter of which I excelled at. Looking back, I was a success story and something of an all-rounder I guess, decent at sport and very good academically except for Science which bored me silly!

What job did you have before you moved to Thailand?

I was a manager.

In other interviews on the web you've said that initially you'd planned to come to Thailand for a few months and you've ended up staying here for more than 10 years. What were the main reasons you didn't go home?

I have come close to going home a few times. In mid 2000 I almost left Thailand. I was fed up with many things and had a really negative view on the country and the people. I lost respect for many, many foreigners which was largely my own fault, befriending some dodgy types. It was at that time  that I studied Thai to a decent level.  The better my Thai got, the more I really began to understand things going on around me and believe me, much of what I discovered I did not like.  But I stuck it out…

In 2005 on a trip back home to New Zealand I started to wonder what the hell I was doing in Thailand. We had these beautiful, long, idyllic days in New Zealand, you know, cloudless days where the place was just so beautiful. And New Zealanders as a people are so nice, helpful, obliging and sincere. When I compared the general friendliness and sincerity of people at home with Thailand I found myself scratching my head…
But what needs to be understood is that we all have a very different set of circumstances. Each of us is different and all of the factors in our respective lives are different. Only those closest to us know what those factors are. For me, for various reasons, Thailand continues to be the better option. That is not to say that I do not yearn to return home, or even venture elsewhere.

You have often said on your site that teaching English is best seen as a temporary endeavour. Why is it you still continue to teach after 10 years?

You didn’t do your homework, did you?  Who says I am still teaching?  Seriously though, there are some things I do not let on about in the column…

When you are not teaching or working on your website, what activities or hobbies do you like to pursue?

I love photography and have taken in excess of 50,000 photographs in Thailand.  I also like reading and am quite happy on the sofa with a good book. In fact these days I am pretty much a home body. I have everything I need at home – internet, plenty of books I have yet to read and cable TV.

I also like to travel into the countryside. I used to like going to the beach a lot but these days I prefer to travel to new places, those few corners of the Kingdom I have yet to visit.
 
 
Part 2 - Stickmanbangkok.com

Your site is famous for its coverage of the Naughty Nighlife (NNL). Do you see that coverage continuing into the future or will you take the Stickman site in another direction?

It is hard to see the direction of the site changing.  It should be noted that the naughty nightlife section was removed years and years ago and while I do give it some coverage in the column, I personally am not in favour of the industry. It ruins lives. It really is as simple as that. The girls, the customers and those close to it and who are employed in it.

I used to find it fascinating from an anthropological point of view but now I can pretty much predict what will happen next with a pretty high degree of accuracy that I am bored of it.

I continue to cover it in the column because that is what some of the readership wants.
 
Do you think the vast majority of people who visit Thailand do so for the NNL?

No.  More people visit the Grand Palace every day than all of the farang naughty nightlife venues. Then count the number who visit Ayuthaya, Doi Suthep, Sukhothai and all of the other famous temples.  I was at a pretty non-descript temple the other day and could not believe ho many foreign tourists were there.  I bet more people visited that temple than Nana Plaza that day.

There is this perception that people come here predominantly for the nightlife but I reckon the percentage who come specifically for that is lower than we think.  You often hear quotes of 25 – 50% of all males visiting Thailand doing so for the nightlife. I don’t think so! Sure, many do, but far more don’t…  Of course some may check out the bars but that does not mean it was there primary reason for visiting.

It's common to see Farangs making the same mistakes over and over in Thailand. Given your site tries to help educate people about the pitfalls of Thailand do you find that a source of frustration?

Some people just have to touch the flame and of course many people do not discover the site until it is too late. There is plenty of good information on the site which would help prevent them from getting in bother if only they had read it before they came to Thailand!

I continue to be astounded by the number of guys who get involved in serious relationships and even marriage with women who treat them so badly. There are so many good, genuine Thai women out there who would love a good foreign man for a long term relationship so it is astounding at the dreadful choices some men make.

Too many foreign men who come to Thailand are lazy. They go for the first woman they meet and often marry her in record time. This is just plain moronic.
 
Over the last year or so the site seems to have become more of a collaborative effort. Is it true you don't always write the Stickman Weekly?

There are all sorts of rumours out there about the authorship of the site. Let me quash the rumours. There is only one Stickman. Only one. My good friend Marc Holt has been accused of ghost writing it. I wish people wouldn’t believe these rumours. Marc would probably be horrified to be associated with some of the articles. He’s a fine writer who wouldn’t want his good name sullied!
 
Is the site still a labour of love, or do you see it as a time sink, but a useful source of income?

My feelings about the site are mixed and often depend on my mood that day and even the feedback I get on any particular day. I do enjoy putting it together and producing a weekly column but sometimes it can get a bit much. Take this past week for example. I had a good opening piece lined up but it needed perhaps two hours’ work to get it edited and readable. I went out at 1:45 and planned to be home by 3:00 which would give me plenty of time to get it finished and the column up online by 6:00. I ended up home at midnight with way too much liquor in my system.  Just publishing the column without the opening piece was bad enough. What was a little disappointing was the abusive emails I got. I mean almost 20 readers, including some I have known for a long time and met personally emailed me asking what was going on. Some were downright abusive.  When that happens you start to wonder if it is all worth it.
 
Do you ever see yourself selling off the site and maybe pursuing some of your other hobbies?

I never envisaged selling not have any plans to sell the site but let’s be honest, everything has its price. If someone came to me with a genuine cash offer, I would look at it.
 
One of the things I enjoy about running DOS is meeting other people in the "Thailand community". You've met, and interviewed, some interesting people over the years, are there any personalities who really stand out for you?

I really like Nick Nostitz. In fact, in many ways, he is one of my “Thailand heroes”. We are friends although to be honest I have not seen him in perhaps a couple of years. He has been there, done that and got the T-shirt, so to speak. Nick is a free spirit but he is remarkably and I mean REMARKABLY knowledgeable about life in Thailand at all levels. He is also very balanced and has a really solid moral compass. He is one guy I have immense respect for.
 
You hold "Stickman contributor" get-togethers from time to time in Bangkok. How have they worked out and do you have any plans for further meet-ups?

We have only had one official get together and it was a really nice get together. I guess around 40 people came along including may guys well-known for their writing on my site. I really should get around to arranging another.
 
Your traffic stats continue to be incredibly strong. What do think is the key to the success of stickmanbangkok.com?

I think one simply has to be honest and produce original content. There are now a zillion Bangkok / Thailand blogs but many of them just rehash the same old stuff. I try to produce a readable and original column every week. I also try to be balanced in what I write and try – though am not always successful – to keep emotion out of it and try and be objective. Stickman is a brand name now and there is value in that, which is nice.
 
Have you got any words of wisdom for someone contemplating starting a Thailand related blog or website?

Think content originality. Also, do it for the love, not the money. If it is good, it will become profitable eventually. Thailand websites will never make you rich but may provide decent supplementary income.

Do you regularly read any of the other Thailand blogs? If so which ones?

No, I don’t read any. OK, that’s a lie. I read Dave The Rave but that is it. Dave is a mate of mine so it is always nice to see what he is up to but truth be told, I usually hear it from conversations as opposed to reading about it on his excellent site.

How many hours a week do you currently spend working on your site?

Far too many! I estimate I spend 35 hours a week on Stickman related duties. Frankly, this is too much and I have to try and reduce it. It does not leave a lot of time for other things.
 
Can we expect any interesting new developments on the site in the near future?

Nope!  More of the same I am afraid.  I am not known for coming up with innovative or original ideas. My strength is discipline. I can produce a weekly column week in, week out, and 98% of the time to deadline.  Ditto with readers’ stories.  I proof them and upload them every day bar Sunday. That’s where my strengths lay, not in innovation.
 
 
Part 3 - Thailand

If you had a free choice, where in Thailand would you most like to live?

It’s hard to overlook Bangkok. The city drives me crazy at times but at the end of day I am a city boy and not many other places would really work for me. I was offered a position in Khon Kaen years ago which I almost took, although in retrospect I am glad I did not.

Do you have to do a visa run? If so where do you usually go?

Nope, I am not on the visa run regimen.

A friend recently told me he had "made his peace" with Thailand, after a struggle of several years, where on occasions he was ready to leave at the drop of a hat. Have you made your peace with Thailand?

Good question. I don’t know that I have, to be honest. You know, I have never felt secure here – and I challenge any Westerner to say that they truly feel secure here. If they do, they’re probably suffering delusions to some extent.

There are some things that take place here that baffle me and some things I just cannot agree with.  It is not a lack of respect for the culture.  Some things that happen are just crazy and make no sense at all.  It is hard to overlook these things when you see them every day!

What do you most like about living in Thailand?

I like the fact that once you are known in your neighbourhood to be “safe”, that you speak Thai and that you are not interested in rocking the boat that you are treated with respect and largely treated as another Thai.  I like being able to converse with Thais in their own language.  Superficial conversation from speaking only rudimentary Thai or worse still, English, would frustrate me.  I like the respect I get for being able to speak the language to a high level.

What aspects of life in Thailand do you find frustrate you the most?

There are many, I am afraid.  The notion of face makes me angry at times.  The way that Thai businesses treat their staff makes me wild.  The blatant racism gets to me and the sheer ignorance of some people also bothers me.  I tend to go to the same places, frequent the same restaurants, cafes, bars etc because they are “safe” and I don’t have any problems there.  That is how I overcome this.
 
My own perspective is Thailand has changed a heck of a lot over the last 5 years. What do you think have been some of the most significant changes in Thailand over the last 10 years?

I think life has got much more difficult for the Thais financially and this has resulted in the pursuit of money being more and more important.  Materialism is on the increase and has resulted in a change in some people’s behaviour, and not for the better I might add.

I also think there has been a huge increase in nationalism and xenophobia that has not gone unnoticed by foreigners.  Many feel that we are picked on or, at the very least, that the rules and regulations of Thailand make Thailand less attractive to the average foreigner.  It is hard to argue against this.

Which side of the rent/buy divide do you stand on? Do you own or rent?

Rent and doubt I will ever buy in Thailand. There are all sorts of reasons not to buy in Thailand that I don’t think people need reminding about…but one which is seldom mentioned is that it is very hard to sell a property here. It is not like the West where if you drop the asking price a property will move quickly. There are also no guarantees of capital gains over time. With maintenance not a big thing for many, why would you want to buy second hand. I don’t see property purchase as the way to go in Thailand.

You once told me Thailand was a great place to visit for a short time, but not so great as a place to live long term. After 10 years do you still feel the same way?

I think this comment needs revising. I think Thailand is a great place to live if you are retired or wealthy / have a solid income from abroad. But Thailand as a place to work, irrespective of where you are on the ladder, I have serious reservations about.
 
What advice would you give someone thinking of moving to Thailand to live full-time?

I could write thousands of words but to answer this question but will try and keep it short. Think carefully of where you are at in your life and what you want from your Thailand experience.  Set goals and also set limits.  If the goals are achieved, review them and if they are not, try to understand why.  More than anything else, don’t do things in Thailand that you would not do at home. And don’t accept things in Thailand that you would not accept at home. Be careful who you befriend. There are a lot of scumbags in Thailand – foreigners I mean – so be careful who you spend time with, or even associate with.
 

Part 4 - Thai women
 
In the past you have pointed out the shortcomings of Thai women, but you are married to one. Presumably you found The One?

Maybe I made a mistake and the one I thought was not the one?  We all make mistakes so I won’t punish myself too much over that.

Trust seems to be a major stumbling block when it comes to serious relationships between Thai women and Western men. What are your thoughts on the issue of trust in such relationships?

If trust is damaged, the relationship is over.  It is as simple as that.  Move on.  If you don’t move on promptly you are just delaying the inevitable.  I am AMAZED at how much crap some guys put up with.  Some guys are lied to and give their girlfriend / wife chance after chance after chance.  This is seen as an incredible weakness by many Thai women.  Be a man and be strong.  If a woman lies to you or even cheats on you, cut her loose. Who cares how much you have already invested in the relationship, frankly that is now immaterial.  Cut her loose and move on.  I am of the belief that when trust is damaged it is VERY hard to fix it with Thai women.  It is a sad fact that many Western men get involved with Thai women who are insincere and this has resulted in Thai women getting a bad reputation in terms of honesty, right across the internet.
 
 
Part 5 - New Zealand
 
 
You journeyed back to your homeland of New Zealand a few years back. Do you have any plans to visit again in the near future?

I love New Zealand and am a proud New Zealander.  The country is great, the people are great and I would be quite happy to be back there.

Did you think New Zealand had changed much in your absence?

Yes, it has.  It has probably changed a lot more than I have realised but living in Thailand I am like an outside looking in so it is hard to comment too much on all the changes.

New Zealand is one of the most popular destinations (actually 6th) for the ever-increasing numbers of people leaving UK. They are attracted by the better quality of life, cheaper house prices and wonderful scenery. What do you see as the main lifestyle differences, or similarities, between Thailand and New Zealand.

The differences between the countries are phenomenal.  Really, the differences between Thailand and New Zealand are really not that much different from the differences between say Australia and Thailand or America and Thailand.  I don’t think there are a lot of similarities, frankly!

Where's your favourite place to visit in New Zealand?

I like to visit Wellington.  It’s where I’m from originally although I lived most of my life in Auckland and consider myself an Aucklander (i.e. I support the Auckland Blues rugby team!).  When I am in Wellington I occasionally get flashbacks from the first few years of my life.  That takes me back to a time of innocence, great hope and absolutely no fear of the future….

What did Mrs. Stick make of New Zealand? Was she relieved to get back to Thailand or was she up for staying put in NZ?

She loved New Zealand and New Zealand loved her.  No, she was not in a hurry to leave.  Apart from it being a little cold for her at night, I think there was little she did not like.  She loved the food and the wine!
 
 
Part 6 - The future
 
 
You've often said on your site that you are tempted to go back to New Zealand. Are there specific reasons for that or is it mainly a gut feeling?

Like I said a little earlier, we all have a different set of circumstances and I will be happy to talk about mine after I depart.
 
Would you say NZ has any major advantages over Thailand as a place to live?

NZ is a fully developed Western country.  I think that answers the question!

Do you think if you decide to have a family that will push you to return to NZ?

I won’t be having a family.  That is a decision I made some time ago.  I don’t like the way the world is going and as such I do not want to bring up a kid in this new world we live in.  If a kid should arrive, I would be in the first plane back to NZ.

What do you think is the main reason you haven't returned to New Zealand?

Personal circumstances and complicated!

I've talked to guys who spent many happy years in Thailand, but returned to UK because they felt they hadn't "built anything" or "done anything constructive" and wanted to do so before they got too old. Do you ever feel like that?

Yes, I have that feeling every day.  One thing you often find with New Zealanders – and Australians too – is that they have no problem with the idea of going back to their homeland.  Compare this with Americans or Brits who I generally find are horrified at the idea of going back to their homeland, usually due to either climate or government concerns.

If you returned to New Zealand what job do you see yourself doing? Would you continue in TEFL or do something else?

I would do something else.  I am done with teaching.  There is no shortage of things I could do.

What do you see as the main objectives in your life now?

To be happy and healthy.  That really is what I am concentrating on now.  I have been on a bit of a healthy living binge in recent times, eating well, drinking less and exercising more.  This doesn’t go well with my site duties!  I am not getting any younger and I think now is a key time in my life.  I do not wish to develop a middle-aged spread and will do all I can to keep on top of my health.  The state of a lot of Westerners in Bangkok appalls me and I do not want to be someone with an alcohol problem or a pot belly.  These are two issues that you cannot blame anyone else for but yourself!

Do you think you will still be running Stickmanbangkok.com in another 10 years time?

Not a chance!  I will have moved on long before then!

Do you see yourself retiring happily and living out the rest of your days in Thailand?

Nope.  Thailand is a great country but I do not wish to stay here forever.  I am sure I will always return for frequent or maybe infrequent trips, but no, I would like to return to New Zealand.

Thanks goes to Stickman for taking time out of his very busy schedule to answer these interview questions.