Ian H is a retiree living in Thailand. He has recently married a Thai lady. In this interview Ian shares his experience of moving to Thailand, life as a retiree, his thoughts on Thai women and daily life in Thailand.
Part 1 - Life
Please give us a little background about yourself
Born in 1947 in Surrey, England. Father a small shopkeeper. One sister. Most of my working career spent as a schoolteacher in London. Married 1977 divorced 1990. Daughter born 1980. Second marriage 1995, ended in divorce.
How did you find life in the UK?
"Mustn't grumble" as they say, though it was Billy Connolly who pointed out that you never see the shortcomings of your life until you've moved on to something different.
At what point did you decide you might not spend your retirement in the UK?
This was a state of mind that developed over the last two years of my working life (see below).
What were the main elements producing push (things you didn't like about the UK), or pull (things you liked about Thailand), that resulted in you leaving the UK?
The established retirement visa on offer from the Thai government was a plus. My second marriage was virtually over (we were living apart and I had initiated divorce proceedings).
Do you think you will ever go back to the UK to live?
At the moment I'm not sure what I would do if my wife predeceases me. I would probably go back to the UK despite the weather, just to be near my blood relatives. I don't think I'd want to be here old and alone.
Part 2 - Thailand
When did you first travel to Thailand and why?
First visit to Thailand was 2005, when I went out to check on some voluntary work, during which time I met my future wife.
When did you move to Thailand full-time?
This was two months after I retired from teaching at the end of August 2007. I had spent the previous two years in constant contact with my future wife and during that time visited her on three occasions..
What are some of the challenges you've faced?
To be frank the food was the biggest disappointment. It is hyped up something rotten in the West but what you get is adapted to western tastes. The high end hotels over here serve some wonderful stuff but it is out of my price range and with so many beggars on the streets I would have a conscience eating there anyway. I have had to spend time learning where to get the best food at a reasonable cost. After two years I know enough to be able to eat out more often than not, something I'd never be able to afford in the UK. I have also learned to cook Thai dishes, adapting them to my own palate.
The language is very difficult to learn. In that respect Malaysia, Vietnam and the Philippines are much easier. At least English is the second language here. They reckon four years of constant study to become fluent. For me you can double that if I make it at all.
What are the best things about living in Thailand?
The weather. The fact that nobody bothers you if you don't bother them. I'm not naturally gregarious so it suits me fine, though I know it doesn't suit everyone.
What are the worst things about living in Thailand?
The scams. My wife and I got scammed at the Royal Palace (it's quite something when a Thai scams another Thai, just because she's with a farang). Once bitten twice shy and it hasn't happened again.
The noise. This ranges from tannoy announcements in the street to constant karaoke selling pitches in shopping malls.
Ugly dangerous dangling electricity supply cables everywhere. Small children without helmets perched on the handlebars of motorcycles.
Hazardous drivers. Poor infrastructure, especially the railways. Lack of recycling.
It takes time, but you do adapt, and most of the petty personal annoyances I remember from when I first arrived seem to have faded away.
Where do you live in Thailand, and why did you choose that location?
I live in my wife's house. This is in Pakkred, Nonthaburi province, next to Bangkok. (Ironically we live just down the road from the central immigration office which services Bangkok and which I am not allowed to use. I have to use the Nonthaburi office which is on the outer fringes of the province, miles away.)
Although my wife is a government officer the salary is not great. When I met her she was a single parent with an eleven year old daughter, so life had not been particularly easy for her. Through enlightened self interest I soon set to with financing some home improvements, including a new kitchen and porch. An early introduction to Thai builders and building methods was an education and I'm not sorry to say I was very glad when the kitchen was finished as I now could indulge my love of cooking with the right equipment and surroundings.
Therefore I really had no choice as to where to live. We did talk briefly about moving closer to Bangkok but my wife's work and daughter's school quite rightly took precedence. We are only about half an hour on the bus to central Bangkok so it's easy to get to.
Does the political unrest in Thailand cause you any problems, or give you any major concerns?
On the one hand it does concern me, but on the other it has given me a focus for study as I have always been interested in politics. I have met several like minded farangs and we have started a discussion group around the issues. I avoid all mass gatherings of whatever stripe.
You are studying Thai society in your spare time. What major conclusions have you come to so far regarding Thai society?
That you're best not saying anything for fear of legal repercussions.
What do you feel are the major differences, if any, between the Western and the Thai way of thinking?
Ways of thinking are instilled at an early age, not least through the education system. With classes of 60+ in Thai schools it is not surprising that there is more uniformity in Thai thinking than there is in the west. This is a big issue over here and there are many voices calling for educational reform.
The Buddhist concept of karma can be a recipe for inaction in the face of social injustice (the "mai pen rai" idea)
The sanuk concept can be charming, but sometimes it can seem childish.
Deference plays a much larger role in Thai society than in western ones. I think that can make the work situation a bit of a challenge and for that reason I am thankful I am retired. I wouldn't want to have to make a living off my own bat here.
Do you plan to travel around Thailand, and if so which locations are you hoping to visit?
When I first came here I entertained visions of doing voluntary work in schools in remote areas of Thailand. As it happens, the conditions of my visa preclude any form of work, even voluntary, and in any case I now wouldn't want to leave my wife for stretches at a time.
We will travel together more after she retires and our daughter is independent. I can wait. We are going up to Chiang Mai for New Year - I am very interested in that part of the country, not least the treatment of the hill tribes.
I'm not a great beach person and in any case would not want to travel too far south because of the unrest. There are a few places just south of Hua Hin we might visit next year.
My wife comes from a small village about 12 km from the town of Nong Khai, which is in the north east of Thailand on the banks of the River Mekong. Land is cheaper there but I have said I want to live in Nong Khai town proper if we move out that way later in life after she retires. A friend of the wife's has married a Welshman who has built a great house in the middle of nowhere and I think that now he has finished there is a sense of anti-climax and isolation (and vulnerability? - see below). Interestingly he tells me of the woman next door who lives alone and seems to have rotating farangs visit her for stretches at a time throughout the year.
Part 3 - Retirement
Why did you decide to retire to Thailand, rather than stay in the UK?
A lot of this is answered below, but certainly the winters were getting just a tad more challenging each year. I also think it is easier and fairer for me to live in Thailand than for my wife to have to come to England. She has a good job at a university here and starting over in the UK would be a major challenge, quite apart from the fact that we now have a 13 year old daughter to consider.
I believe you retired on an O/A visa. How are you finding that programme with reporting and proof of funds etc.?
OA visa was the retirement option offered by the Thai government. I chose it above alternatives because I did not want to get involved in the hassle of visa runs. I reckon that if I respect the Thai system then I deserve a measure of respect in return. So far it has worked. There are bureaucratic issues, sure, but I am retired so I have the time to deal with them. Paperwork from the Thai authorities is a damned sight cheaper than getting anything from the British Embassy. The biggest challenge at the moment is not so much the paperwork as having to report to the new provincial immigration office miles from public transport when I don't have a car.
How are you funding your retirement? Is that through a UK pension, savings, or other method?
At the moment most of the funding is through my teacher's pension which I get paid directly into my Thai bank account. Periodically I top this up with a telephone transfer from my bank in the UK. I own my London flat which I rent out through an agency which does all the work. The net rent plus proceeds from some unit trusts I bought with my lump sum when I retired go to top up the UK account on a regular basis. I must admit I got a bit of a bump when the pound/baht exchange rate tumbled soon after I arrived here but we have adjusted well enough.
Did you go through a planning process before retiring to Thailand, or did you just decide to "up sticks" and get on the next plane out?
There was a two year planning period between the time I first met my future wife and when I eventually retired and moved out.
How are you dealing with your future possible health-care requirements?
I spent a LOT of time researching various health care plans for expats. I eventually came up with a company which seems quite good, though to keep the premiums down I have had to agree to pay the first ₤700 if anything major happens. Luckily minor ailments are exempt from this "deductible" and I have had no problem getting my claims paid. Soon after I got here I started having tooth trouble even though I had always regularly visited my UK dentist. When the policy renewed I opted for the dental cover extra and have already recouped the cost this year. Nonetheless the annual premium is now ₤1900.
What major goals, if any, have you set yourself for your retirement?
I have had three major emotional involvements in the UK, all of which ended in upheavals of one sort or another. Now I just want a quiet life. My main target is to keep my wife happy and see my new daughter through to independence.
Part 4 - Thai women
You recently got married to a Thai lady. Did you have much experience with Thai women before you decided to take the plunge?
When I think back it is really quite interesting how I got involved with Thailand. It all started when I read a book called "Platform" by the French author Michel Houellebeq. It is set in Thailand and in it he describes Thai women as getting more fun (sanuk) out of life than most others on the planet. I was intrigued by this concept and decided to check it out. A friend at work had a Thai wife and through them I took opportunities to meet Thai women at social gatherings. Damn me if it wasn't true! The more I got to know them the more delightful they became. My interest was piqued and the rest is history.
What's the age gap between you and your wife?
Sixteen years
How did you meet your wife?
I will answer this question even though it is one which Stickman says should never be asked. What I say has to be seen in the context of my answer to the last question but one. I was involved in a school project in the UK sponsored by a multinational. When I visited the multinational's headquarters I noticed a poster advertising their philanthropic work in various countries including Thailand. With a view to doing some voluntary work in Thailand after retirement, I arranged to fly out and talk to their Thai branch. While over there I was taken on a tour of a university and that is when we first met. We exchanged mobile numbers and that is how it all started. This was two years before I retired and the fact that we managed to keep almost daily contact from opposite sides of the world over those two years is something I'm very happy about.
Do you have any advice for western men planning to marry a Thai woman?
I think I was a bit naive but very lucky. If you do not want to rely on luck then the main piece of advice I would give is take your time! As it was I lived with my wife in Thailand for two years before finally going to the registry office. Initially we had gone through the sin sot ceremony with her family at her village in NE Thailand. I know Stickman is against sin sot but I wonder if I had refused whether it would have "spoiled the ship for a ha'porth of tar". In the event I coughed up 100,000 baht, but this has been returned to my wife.
Take two years and get to know your wife and her family well. Be aware that if her parents are still alive she will have major obligations towards them which you will have to live with. If she has siblings find out what they have made of themselves: are they financially independent or might they be coming to you for help? After two years you will know what's what and if you keep putting it off then that says as much about you as it does her. If I came to Thailand initially alone I would seek out a reputable agency or two which vet their girls and see what they had to offer. You can get plenty of info about these from the internet.
Be also aware that there are literally hundreds of stunners walking the streets every day in Bangkok. It is only natural to get swept off your feet. Even at my advanced age I sometimes stop dead in my tracks. But you must understand that not all of them want to be approached. There is a bit of a backlash at present in the press by Thai girls faced with farang who assume they are all fair game. This is part of Thailand's image problem and I'm not even going to start apportioning blame on that one. Choose your venues carefully. Think twice and twice again before expecting anything more than a shallow relationship from a bar girl (and don't blame them for that, either).
I said before to respect the Thai system, but don't be coy about expecting respect in return. Don't let them walk all over you. Be polite but firm when necessary yet flexible when possible. Be careful. Do not make yourself vulnerable.
How is married life so far?
I once told my sister when talking about the end of my third long term relationship in the UK that it was one thing being told by someone that they love you, and another thing actually feeling loved. I really feel loved and appreciated here more than I ever did in the UK. However, my sister tells me that what I am experiencing now is no more than what I deserved but just never got before. In other words I am not saying it's impossible to get a fulfilling relationship in the west.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
I know that the money thing is always there, but I like to think that my wife would stay by me even if I had no money. I have calmed down a lot in the last couple of years, much more tolerant of many things which previously annoyed me.
I avoid a lot of the stresses anyone forced to make a living out here is faced with. I do not envy them that for one instant. This place is comfortable for the likes of me. The language is a challenge and I owe it to myself and Thailand to spend some more time on studying it.
Thank you Ian for taking the time out to take part in this informative interview!